Dirty Little Secret
by Mister Icarus
Summary: Late one night, Magnus discovers Alec's secret...not as dirty as it sounds! Mostly Malec fluff yaaay. Oneshot. Rated T for a bit of language and suggestiveness and cuz Im paranoid. R R, MxA.


All righty peoples…this is my first (published) fanfiction…so be kind, I'm a sensitive soul :P About my favourite characters of all time, Magnus & Alec!! Yaay!

**Disclaimer: If I was Cassandra Clare, I'd be off in an underground lab somewhere trying to clone Alec and Magnus. And possibly Jace for my spare time…anyway. The wonderous CC owns all.**

I was having a crisis.

Alec would be here in half an hour – twenty minutes if he had nothing better to do – and I didn't know what to wear. I pulled a few items out of my wardrobe and tossed them over my shoulder into a pile behind me. How should I dress? Formal? No. Or oh-I-just-threw-this-on? No, no that was stupid. Magnus Bane does not do casual "throwing on" of clothes, especially not where Alec is involved.

_Okay, Bane, focus._ I tried on a few things via magic and ten minutes later I was still standing in my – sparkly – boxers, agonising over my wardrobe contents.

"Damn you, Armani, why can't you be more creative?" I snarled at a pair of sparkly leather pants, before discarding them in my fury.

I was beginning to panic.

_Ten minutes._ I breathed deeply. _All right, relax – check your options, process of elimination._

Alec was staying over. So not too many layers. We were having dinner. So nothing too formal. We were just going to hang out together…so maybe I could leave the rainbow leather for one evening.

No layers, no leather, no rainbow, nothing too fancy. I grimaced inwardly and checked my options. Not a lot of inspiration.

I suddenly recalled an outfit I had seen earlier in Vogue. Black sparkly harem pants. Well-fitted t-shirt. Black satin dinner jacket, made casual with rolled up sleeves. Mid calve black lace up boots with heels. Lots of black and silver belts and accessories.

I could make it work. It had been on a woman, but whatever.

I summoned up the pieces from the necessary designers – I preferred not to think of it as stealing – and got about getting dressed and doing my hair, make up, et cetera. Alec would be here any second.

I had just finished making martinis when there was on knock on the door. I scowled. He had his own key – couldn't he let himself in? That way I could arrange myself on the couch looking appropriately gorgeous when he came in. Instead I clomped angrily to the door and flung it open.

My anger melted like eyeliner in Barbados when I saw Alec standing there. He had the usual black sweater and innocent expression he always wore. He smiled shyly.

"Hey. Can I come in?"

I rolled my eyes. "Well, of course you can sweetheart, assuming you haven't lost the use of your legs on sight of my magnificent form."

He laughed. "No, I'm used to it…" His eyes drifted to the lace up heeled boots and sparkly pants. "Well, almost."

I took his elbow and led him inside, sat him on the sofa, and shoved a martini into his hand.

"So, biscuit, how was your day?" I sat beside him and put his spare hand in my lap.

"It was all right…" He leant into me, "Isabelle thought she'd make pancakes."

I shuddered.

"Well, at least I know what to get the poor girl for Christmas."

He wrinkled his forehead. "A cook book?"

"No, a straightjacket." I grinned and drained my martini.

Alec rolled his eyes. "Most likely one with absurd amounts of glitter."

I was shocked. "Alexander, you should know the words 'absurd' and 'glitter' are not to be used in the same context in my abode! Ever!"

He put his martini on the coffee table and his arms around my waist. "Aww, I'm sorry." His beautiful blue eyes were mischievous.

"And I thought I'd converted you to the dark side. Well, the sparkly rainbow side." I ran a finger along his jaw line, "Lucky for you I'll forgive you this time."

"Or I could just make it up it up to you…" His hands slid up to my neck, and he brushed his lips against mine. I wrapped my arms around his waist and met his lips with much enthusiasm.

Ten minutes later, we were lying horizontally along the couch, with myself on top. Alec had argued it was his turn, but I played the you-insulted-glitter card and got my way. As usual. Our lips were pressed together heatedly, our tongues entwined. I pulled away briefly. "The bedroom?"

Alec was breathing heavily. "What's wrong with here?"

I paused to consider it. "Nothing, I guess." And he forced his lips against mine again with even more passion. I rocked slightly on top of him, and he groaned, much to my satisfaction. Suddenly I realised something.

"What if we fall off?" I pulled away again.

"What?"

"The couch, what if we fall of when we're, ah…" I raised my eyebrows playfully at him.

Alec growled at the back of his throat. "Nothing wrong with the floor either."

I just laughed and kissed his sweet lips again.

***

An hour or so later, and I was putting on my pyjamas for bed. Alec passed me on his way to the bathroom, yawning and tousling his already messy dark hair.

"Tired?" I called to him teasingly.

He stuck his head around the door. "Exhausted. They should make shenanigans with Magnus Bane an Olympic sport."

"Mmm…but then everybody could do it, not just you. Are you sleeping on the left or right?"

"'Ehfft." He said through brushing his teeth. I heard him spit. "And it wouldn't really make a difference," he said, coming out the bathroom, "It's practically a lifestyle for countless people already."

"Alexander, I'll have you know I find that highly offensive." I put on a hurt expression, "How do you know this-" I gestured at my semi-transparent pyjama pants "- isn't just an act, and you have tarnished my virtue with your evil ways?"

He snorted. "What virtue? And, anyway, I didn't hear you complaining…"

"Don't worry, darling, I wasn't." I turned to the bed and slid under the neon pink and green tiger print duvet. I closed my eyes and waited for that familiar muscular arm to slide around my waist. It didn't.

"Are you coming, sweets?"

There was a pause. "Umm, yeah, I just need to- I just need to go to the bathroom."

I heard him shuffle off. Ten minutes later and he hadn't shuffled back in yet, so I went to sleep. As much as I loved Alec, I was not compromising my beauty sleep because he had a dodgy bladder. _How long does it take to go to the bathroom?_ I thought as I drifted off to sleep…

Suddenly I jerked awake. There was something poking into my back. I glanced at the hot pink alarm clock on the bedside cabinet.

5.36am.

Hmm. Practically morning. I wiggled about a bit, but the thing kept poking into my back. Then I realised something very disturbing.

It was morning.

Alec was beside me.

Something was poking my back, from beside me.

"Alec, dear?"

No reply.

"Alec?" I kicked his ankle for good measure, and was rewarded with a grunt.

"Sweetheart, are you, eh, poking me, so to speak?"

No reply. I frowned and twisted around to face him. But I wasn't facing him. He had his back to me.

_Then what the hell is poking me?_

Curiosity took over and I grabbed whatever it was that was sticking into me. My hand clasped round it and I got the shock of my life.

It was furry.

Holy shit.

Really freaked out now I yanked the thing from under the duvet covers and onto the bed. I nearly died when I saw what it was.

A teddy bear.

A brown, fluffy, old, verging-on-mangy teddy bear.

I glanced at Alec out of the corners of my eyes. Surely not..?

Suddenly smirking, I had an idea. I magicked the bear into the depths of my closet and snickered to myself. Sure, it was mean, but I wanted to see my macho demon-killing boyfriend's reaction when he realised Mr Snuggles was gone. Still giggling to myself, I closed my eyes again and waited for morning.

"Magnus. _Magnus._"

I flicked my eyes open to see Alec there, looking bright eyed and bushy tailed.

"Yes, love?"

He blushed. "Would you like some breakfast?"

How cute. He made me breakfast.

"That depends entirely on if the Lightwood talent for cooking applies to you, dear." Alec shuddered visibly, clearly thinking of Izzy's pancakes yesterday.

"No, don't worry…_no one_ is that bad at cooking." He was still looking vaguely horrified.

"Except Isabelle." I laughed and swung out of bed. "Well, then yes, I would love breakfast so long as it doesn't contain carbs, fats, salts, saturates…" I listed off a few more offensive food ingredients.

Alec stared at me for a moment. "It's just toast."

"Ah." I trailed a finger across his chest as I headed for the kitchen, "Then for you and your wondrous toast, Allie, I will sacrifice my amazing figure."

We were in the middle of toast and orange juice when Alec cleared his throat and said "Mag…?"

"Uh huh?"

"Have you- no, never mind." He developed a sudden interest in his glass of orange juice.

"Have I what? Had liposuction? No, but how flattering of you to think so, Alec." I sipped my own juice while smirking slightly at him.

"No! Magnus, be serious…" I adapted my expression to be sympathetic.

"Can I ask you something? But you can't laugh…"

"All right. Enlighten me to your question."

He paused and fiddled with a thread on his sweater. I rolled my eyes.

"Exactly how long is this going to take, Alec?" I twined my fingers into his.

"You'll laugh at me."

"Me?" I did my best to look affronted. "Never."

"You will." He made it sound like a threat.

"Is this about your little friend, by any chance?" He looked confused for a moment, before glancing down at his pants.

"Just to clarify, which little friend are we talking about here?"

I smirked. "The long hard one that was poking my back this morning."

Alec went bright red. "This_ morning?_"

"Mmm hmm." I looked thoughtful for a second. "It was slightly furry too…"

"Furry? _Furry?_"

"Yeah, and it was annoying me so I took it out and put it in my wardrobe."

"You put it in your wardrobe???" The poor kid was really confused now.

"Yes, shall I get it?" I didn't wait for an answer but sauntered off to my bedroom. I flung he door open and nearly died on sight of the room.

White stuffing, everywhere. Scraps of tatty brown fur, on every surface of the room. A glassy eye here, a ripped paw there. And Chairman Meow sitting unashamedly in the middle of it.

I heard footsteps behind me and hastily tried to shut the door – with no success. Alec stuck his foot in before I could close it completely. His eyes were suspicious as they watched me, and I felt my stomach clench as they travelled to the scene in the room.

Alec let out a sort of strangled gasp.

"Oh no! Walter, no, no ,no…"

Walter? How sweet.

I watched as my poor boyfriend ran into the room and began collecting teddy bear debris while chanting his beloved Walter's name. I went in to help him and gave Chairman Meow a hefty kick in the ribs as I passed him. He hissed and spat out another glass eye.

Alec, meanwhile, had collapsed to his knees, and was clutching a particularly large chunk of brown fur.

"I had him since I was a baby…"

I put my arm around him and tried to sooth him. Then I had a brainwave.

"Alec, let me hold that piece of, ah, Walter for a second."

"Nooo…" He held it close to his chest.

"Just for two seconds, Alec." I was getting impatient.

I half wrestled the scrap of fur from him and paused for a moment, before chanting a series of spells over it. The pieces of Walter around the room flew together in my hands as Alec watched amazed. Well, before Chairman Meow kind of spoiled the moment by retching up one of Walter's ears with a loud hacking cough.

"See?" I handed it to Alec. "Good as new. Well, good as yesterday."

Alec just stared at it in awe before flinging his arms around my neck.

"You are quite possibly the best thing that ever happened to me Magnus Bane."

"You and Walter, you mean." I chuckled. "And, Alec? You do realise that you are never _ever _going to live this down."

He looked at me. "Maybe, but it's not really a big deal."

I paused. "How so? Do all big tough macho Shadowhunters have teddies to cuddle at night?"

"Well, I don't know about _all,_ but Jace's is called Harrison…"

It was that moment in time I realised Alec Lightwood was my perfect soulmate. And Jace Wayland was at my mercy for the rest of his days.


End file.
